Some years ago I saw the Irish band The Fureys, who joked that at the funeral of one of their relatives who often got drunk and into fights, they announced that there would be a minute’s violence in his memory. This is along those lines. It’s a post I have to type very, very carefully, from some years ago, an email circulated by the Atheist Foundation of Australia Inc.
Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals”
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the school recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Miss Charlene Mason sand, “I Will Not Pass This Way again” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
“Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.”
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water” the sermon tonight will be: “Searching for Jesus”
Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing “Break Forth into Joy.”
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you, and hopefully they will respond.
Don’t let worry kill you – let the Church help.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be, “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
The senior choir invites any members of the congregation who enjoy sinning to join the choir.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The Lutheran men’s group will meet at 6 pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
Attend this meeting and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
The church will host n evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5.00 pm… prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S is done.
The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast nest Sunday morning.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 pm. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement on Friday at 7 pm. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 Pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Now Up Yours.”